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Feeling Numb: How I went from Hopeless to Hopeful

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Feeling Numb: How I went from Hopeless to Hopeful

Feeling Numb: My Life Before Addiction Treatment

My name is Michele and I am a grateful recovering addict, though I still suffer with the disease each and every day. It all started 15 years age when I went through a life changing event. I thought that I could cope with my emotion by using. I started off smoking Marijuana and drinking here and there at the age of 13. By the age of 18 I was drinking every day and using pills. Fast-forward 7 years my addiction was in full swing. I was smoking Marijuana and drinking to just bring myself out of bed, cocaine, pills were also something I felt like I needed to have to help me get through the day. By this time there wasn’t much that I wouldn’t do to chase my next high.

“During the last four years of my drug use, I used to pray to God every time to let this be my last time.”

I was on this never ending roller-coaster ride of using to make myself feel happy and numb but then once I reached that “high” I felt disgusting and had so much hatred towards myself. Through my many years of addictions I ended up hurting everyone around me. Not only did I hurt my family and loved ones I lost my marriage, my kids, but most of all I lost myself. I had opened a door that I couldn’t close anymore. I was very confused and could no longer distinguish between what was good and what was bad. Nor could I make a decision to stop all these things.

“The recovery process is where I learned to get to the core of the reasons behind my addiction.”

During the last four years of my drug use, I used to pray to God every time to let this be my last time. I was at my rock bottom and I didn’t want to live anymore. My life changed about 14 months ago when I walked through the front doors of a Florida addiction treatment facility. I thought I would just go there to make my family happy and be out in about 2 weeks, but that wasn’t the case. Being there I learned that I wasn’t alone and there was a solution to my problems. I was introduced to a 12 step program that showed me a new way to live my life drug and alcohol free.

“After Treatment I began to reconnect with my family, and most of all I started taking time to start loving myself and becoming the person I always knew that I could be.”

Committing to a lifetime without my “best friend” was a scary thing to me, but I decided to give it a chance since nothing else has helped me before. The recovery process is where I learned to get to the core of the reasons behind my addiction. Inpatient Treatment taught me how to address those issues so that I can effectively move on with my life without going back to drugs, alcohol and addictive behavior. After leaving treatment, I moved on to become a house manager of a halfway house, I began to reconnect with my family, and most of all I started taking time to start loving myself and becoming the person I always knew that I could be. 

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