Happy, joyous and free is what I have been missing out on for most of my life. I have tried to get clean and sober a few times. Without assistance from anyone, I felt hopeless and was unable to ask for help. I did not want to let anyone know how miserable I really was. So I kept doing what I thought would fix it and that was getting high. That insanity is what brought me to treatment. That’s where my journey began. I learned a lot about myself there and why I was that way. That laid the foundation for me as I continued my journey into a halfway house. I thought everything would change since I was in Florida and no longer getting high, I soon realized that was not the case.
I truly thought I would feel better having the little bit of sobriety time I did. However, all I felt was anger, fear, anxiety, depression and my insecurities. They suggested I get a sponsor, so I did and I went through a couple of them. I thought it was the sponsors I chose that didn’t work for me. Yet, I was not doing what they suggested and didn’t tell them about was going on with me and my feelings. After a while, I wondered why I was not getting better and I was tired of feeling the way I did. From there I knew I would have to do something different or I would end up going out and getting high again.
I knew there was not much time if I didn’t do any work. So, I got a sponsor, a home group and decided to take the suggestions of those who have been working a program of recovery successfully. By working the 12 Steps, I learned to take ownership and responsibility for my part in my problems. I worked on my issues with help from a higher power, my sponsor and a good support group. In the process, I learned that I caused a lot of damage to myself and others. Fortunately through my journey in recovery, I have gained spiritual tools that guide me in living a happy, joyous and free life. I’ve cleaned up where I was wrong.
Today, I handle situations the right way; which translates to not to hurting others due to former defects of my mental, emotional and spiritual state. Today I continue to watch for dishonesty, fear, resentments and selfishness. My sponsor taught me that no matter what happens now, things will be great. If I got promoted tomorrow at work, it would be great. If I got fired, things would still be great. I learned how to build self-esteem by doing esteem-able things.
After getting closer to my higher power, life is finally the adventure I have been looking for, and there are more blessings to come as long I keep in contact with my higher power and practice what I learned on a daily basis.
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