When starting on the long road to recovery, I was unaware what that truly entailed. I simply thought that sustaining from drinking and doing drugs was enough. A life maintained by staying away from the people and places that were really the root of this evil. Fortunately, I was wrong. As I came into the program, I was beaten, and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was shocked that I was expected to come to meetings on a daily basis, find a sponsor whom I had to narrate the sad story of my wrong doings and be involved with service work. I firmly believed that I had a life to get back to, people to see, things that needed to be done, schools that I needed to apply to. I also was convinced that treatment was enough to “cure” me. Yet, with everything going on so quickly and still in a bit of a haze, I figured I would give it a try. Besides, my best thinking ended me up into a rehabilitation facility. So what did I have to lose?
I had absolutely nothing to lose but everything in the world to gain. As I began to ‘come to’, in a sense, I slowly initiated a slow walk on the road to recovery. I began to listen. I listened to the stories and tales of people in the programs who had years of recovery under their belt. (I could barely see myself getting to sixty days on my own). When I started to listen, there was a common theme connecting these people’s stories, hope. These people gave me hope. After weeks of listening and building up my courage I found myself a sponsor. From that moment on, the real work started.
I was taught, and after a few months believed, I was not a bad person, but had done bad things. Things that I would eventually be able to forgive myself for. My sponsor had given me a perspective on life that I had never attempted to explore. That pile of failed attempts is a memory for me now because I have chosen a life of recovery. Living a life in recovery isn’t about not drinking or doing drugs. For me, it means practicing the spiritual principles and living my life for God, As I Understand Him.
The moment I made the choice to give my life over to God, things began to happen… Strange things that I was extremely unaccustomed to. A feeling of peace had fallen over me. A sense of true serenity. I would wake up in the mornings with a sense of purpose, a sense of self-worth. I had formed a relationship with the God of my understanding and from that moment on, I have been blessed with such beautiful gifts. The gifts that are given in this program are truly beyond imaginable. When speaking with people I can communicate well and listen. Truly listen to what people are saying and dare I say, care? I can stop myself from old behaviors that I can feel creeping up on me.
I have been promoted to a position in my company that I have been dreaming about for over a year. (How funny that three months back in the company, living a life of recovery, I was promoted. Funny how that works out). I have made friends that I have been able to depend on. Friends that look out for me and in return, I care and look out for them.
From living a life in recovery, the twelve steps can be practiced on a daily basis. I make sure to stay connected to my higher power at all times. Even if it is just to say thank you for allowing me to see a beautiful flower. Now, I do have to mention, there has been rough days. Not every day is a beautiful, sunny scene out of a movie. But I will tell you, I would never trade my worse day in recovery to my best day during my active addiction. Webster Dictionary defines recovery as; “a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength”. I am positive that from living a life in recovery I have gained much more than returning to my “normal state”. I am finally growing into the person I have always wanted to be. I am evolving into a person who cares, a person who attempts to live selflessly. A person who is fulfilling a beautiful life of recovery.
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